Tag Archives: Somerville

Five Horses Tavern – Davis Square, Somerville, MA

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Five Horses Tavern

 

I think basically the only reason I’m going to be somewhat meh on Five Horses in this review is that I ate here in the wrong order.  One of our friends had recommended brunch both here and at the Painted Burro, stating that they were both good but that the Burro kind of blew this place out of the water.  Like fools Talls and I went to the Burro first, and after that amazing food-based love affair were kind of spoiled for other Davis Square brunches that were trying to be in a similar league.  If I’d done Five Horses first I feel like I would’ve liked them more because I wouldn’t have been having flash backs to fucking candied bacon.  Let’s be honest: no one can compete with that.

kfc-style chicken breast, bacon marmalade, fried egg, cheddar, frisée. cornichons, creole mustard on toasted waffles with fruit salad

kfc-style chicken breast, bacon marmalade, fried egg, cheddar, frisée. cornichons, creole mustard on toasted waffles with fruit salad

I got the breakfast club, which was a club-style sandwich thing made out of breakfast foods.  I ended up having to take some of the layers apart to eat it without making a giant mess, but it was delicious all the same.  The do some very fine fried chicken at this place.

black beans, eggs, potatoes, carrots, scallions, jalapenos, red peppers, served in a fried tortilla with salsa, guacamole and goat cheese sour cream

black beans, eggs, potatoes, carrots, scallions, jalapenos, red peppers, served in a fried tortilla with salsa, guacamole and goat cheese sour cream

Talls got the Chimichanga which was much less blurry in real life.  My phone camera skills have been lost!  It was full of tasty things as advertised.

So yeah, the food was good, there was a tiny line when it opened (Like six people for a huge place.  I am usually a line stickler and there was a woman in front of us who was all “I believe we got here first!” and I rolled my eyes at her back because seriously, there are plenty of seats and every damn one of us is going to be served at the same time.  This is a time when lines do not matter.), and services was nice a quick.  But it was not the Painter Burro, and this made me sad.

The Painted Burro – Davis Square, Somerville, MA

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The Painted Burro

 

I would just like to say, for the record, that this place is fucking amazing and if you do not immediately stop whatever stupid thing you’re doing right now and get your ass into one of their seats so you can get their food in your mouth, you are a useless fool.  Jesus Christ on a cheese-coated unicycle they have god damn candied bacon here people!  Go eat there now and read this review later.  Seriously.  I’ll wait.

Let's get in the mood with some fabulous art.

Let’s get in the mood for food with some fabulous art.

It’s a nice place with a great set up, and as long as the weather is nice their gigantic wall of windows is open to street.  That’s right: amazing grub AND ambiance.  Seriously, why aren’t you eating here RIGHT NOW!?!?

French toast: egg-dipped brioche, caramelized plantains, mascarpone whipped, maple syrup

French toast: egg-dipped brioche, caramelized plantains, mascarpone whipped, maple syrup

This pile of food was fucking delicious, and not just because I am addicted to real maple syrup and will always say yes to fried plantains.  The french toast under all of that was thick, fluffy, and a little crisp on the outside.  Perfection!

EL MONTANERO “SUPERBEASTO”: 2 fried eggs, chorizo con papas, pork charro beans, chicharron, fried plantain, burro rice, chipotle mayo, baja cream, crispy tortilla

EL MONTANERO “SUPERBEASTO”:
2 fried eggs, chorizo con papas, pork charro beans, chicharron, fried plantain, burro rice, chipotle mayo, baja cream, crispy tortilla

Talls order this pile of deliciousness and, because he is tall and has extra stomach space in his legs like all tall people (look, it’s the only logical explanation of this), HE FINISHED THE ENTIRE THING. I manage to steal like a bite and even that was dangerous.  This is a well named dish.

THICK CUT BROWN SUGAR BACON

THICK CUT BROWN SUGAR BACON

I am totally just copying directly off the menu for the descriptions because even their capitalization is apt.  Eating this was seriously like eating candied meat, and it was one of the most amazing gustatory experiences of my life.  I’ve never really understood wanting to eat yourself sick on something until I tasted this.  The Painter Burro saved me by not putting anymore bacon on that plate. Fuck, every bite almost killed me with happiness!

To sum up: GO EAT HERE NAO!!!

To sum up: GO EAT HERE NAO!!!

The Painted Burro is perfect and you need to go eat there, stat.  Look, I left a physical comment raving about this place at the restaurant, and they fucking sent me a personalized thank you email.  GO THERE BITCHES.

The Ball Square Cafe – Somerville, MA

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Ball Square Cafe

Holy fuck there are lines at this place.  There are so often lines there were fucking heaters in the awning above our line.  The coffee is self serve even when you sit down partially to let line-standers drink coffee while they wait.  If you hate lines this is not the brunch for you.  On the plus side: this place has heaters and coffee for you when you stand in line, so as waiting outside for a table at a brunch place goes, it’s pretty damn comfortable.  My little party of three waited for about 20 minutes for a table at 10:45am on a Sunday.  We were attempting to arrive early to skip the wait when we did this, and were clearly utter fools.  Ah well.  Ball Square Cafe is small, but they apparently own a deli next door that was being used only for overflow seating when we went.

Seriously though, coffee in line!

Seriously though, coffee in line!

I didn’t mind the line too much with my purple marshmallow coat, coffee, and lovely people to chat with.  The wait also gave us time to decide what we were all going to have before we sat down, so we got our food pretty quickly.  Our waitress was awesome and memorized my order when I told it to my friends so they could order for me while I ran to get a coffee refill.

I, as I am sure you are shocked to hear, went for the french toast.  A pear and goat cheese french toast, to be exact.  They have many delicious-sounding options, but I’ve never heard of a stuffing quite like this.  The slices were ginormous and I only finished two of them.  I completed the delicious meal with real maple syrup and bacon.

Those white lumps are Cool Whip. :( Not my store-bought whipped cream of choice.

Those white lumps are Cool Whip. 😦 Not my store-bought whipped cream of choice.

My friends had the Eggs Benedict with Hash and the Caramelized Banana with Walnuts Belgian Waffle, which I sampled and were both lovely.  Their eyes were a better size in comparison to their stomachs, so they were able to finish their meals.  I, on the other hand, got to take my last slice home in an adorable container and relive this glorious experience as part of lunch on Monday.

So many noms, you guys.

So many noms, you guys.

I recommend this place unless you can’t deal with lines without whining constantly/breaking into hives/flipping the fuck out.  They have a picture of one of their lines as a header on their website.  A line is going to happen here.  But for those who are willing to chat standing up for a bit, it will be well worth it.