The Asgard – Cambridge, MA

Posted on August 18, 2015 by Sarah

We’re back, bitches! Which I know I’ve said before, so blah blah blah, fuck me I’m an asshole, blah. Look, do you want mea culpas or do you want raving about tasty food? Neither, you want pictures of my meals! Ha! Goddamn it, when did I become that person? Probably a few months before I bought this fucking domain name.

The Asgard is an Irish, not Norse pub, but I’m sure Tom and Chris would still be welcome here if they showed up in their Avengers attire. It’s in Central Square and close enough to Toscanini’s that if you eat a late brunch you can saunter across a street or two and have the best fucking ice cream ever afterwards.

…fuck, why didn’t we do that?

Anyway, it was a cold and rainy day in April that for some reason showed up at the end of June when we ate here, and I was so fucking happy to have a warm mug in my hands that I forgave them their only okay coffee. And then they served my meal, and I didn’t give a shit about that at ALL anymore.

Sing with me: Amazing waffle gets rid of everything awful!

This fucking thing showed up and my day was MADE. The waffle was crispy and chewy in all the right places, the chicken was juicy and delicious, and the spicy maple syrup was real and just the right level of heat. I was in comfort food heaven and hummed to myself throughout the entire damn meal.

A traditional Irish breakfast at the Viking Irish Pubthing.

Talls, being Talls, went for his favorite land of a million puddings meal, the Irish breakfast. They may not have named their restaurant correctly, but they did a Celtic brunch standard proud. He ate the entire thing and declared it, as we say in Boston, wicked pissah.

To sum up: shitty coffee but fucking awesome food. Better to brunch here and get your coffee affogato over at Toscanini’s, I think.

Blue Star Cafe and Pub – Wallingford, WA

Posted on December 29, 2014 by Sarah

Blue Star Cafe and Pub

I’ve returned, bitches! Enjoy some new food recs that have nothing to do with my usual geographic area. But if you end up in the Freemont/Wallingford area of Seattle because you’ve been kidnapped by octopi who get tired of carrying your whiny ass before they get to the amazing aquarium there, at least you’ll know where to get some damn good brunch.

Blue Star is right near Archie McPhee’s, which is a bizarre joke emporium that Talls and I did not go in to because we fail as human beings and hate everything fun. Seriously, they tweeted the mayor Seattle about getting the zoning for their parking lot changed to keep a unicorn, and the mayor tweeted back that he was all for it, so they named the damn single horned rainbow horse after him. Because. I despise myself.

Anyway, back to food. Originally I thought I was going to order one of their fucking amazing waffles, but they didn’t have real maple syrup. I need to learn to travel with a flask of that shit. Then, I planned to console myself with one of their massive cinnamon rolls, but they were all out. Fuck you Blue Star, don’t you understand that breakfast carbs are the source of my power!? So I had to “settle” for the Cabaret Scramble. I sobbed the entire time it took me to devour this savory deliciousness.

Sundried tomatoes, green & red peppers, fresh mushrooms, basil & garlic, topped with parmesan

Woe is me! Talls subjected himself to two eggs over easy on top of a pile of corned beef hash, as he is wont to do. He commented early on that there was a ridiculous amount of thyme in his hash, and I had to agree. It was like some asshole in the kitchen played a loose spice shake top gag on the cook and he was so pissed he didn’t bother to make a fresh batch.

a mixture of our house corned beef, peppers & onions topped with 2 eggs any style

So while the coffee and orange juice was good, and the food I had to get in the end was good, Talls’ dish was way too thyme-y and they didn’t have the cinnamon buns their menu played up or any idea of what the fuck kind of syrup is supposed to be served with breakfast. Not the worst. Not the best. I declare this meh.

Birthday Brunch!

Posted on September 22, 2014 by Sarah

Talls turned older recently (if he will let me record his old man voice I will happily put it up here. It’s my favorite fucking thing sometimes.) and while initially I had wanted to throw him an ice cream birthday party as that’s the food blog he would have, we ended up doing brunch instead. Oh no. Boo hoo. It’s so shitty things worked out this way.

I made a pile of food and everyone else either brought food, maple syrup, and juice. We were buried under a metric shit-ton of maple syrup and juice for weeks afterwards. Our friends are the best!

I will post the other foods in a second, but let’s all first marvel at the piece de resistance:

It’s a fucking pancake cake bitches. A cake. Made. Out of PANCAKES.

This was Talls’ birthday cake: layers of gigantic pancakes with homemade raspberry syrup and vanilla whipped cream that had goddamn flecks of vanilla bean in it. It’s creatrix is a semi-professional baker, and she did not balk at this assignment when I asked her to make this thing. She sat down and made this glorious pile of deliciousness, and then fed it to us. It was as tall as a fucking regular layer cake you guys. It arrived in a cake carrier. I couldn’t even, and I still can’t. This woman is the fucking best and the champion of the world.

And now for the regular food:

I made quiche and remembered to get a before pic!

I made baked french toast and did not remember! Also a waffle maker was brought and I made batter so we had fresh waffles.

There were piles of cheddar cheese scrambled eggs!

And last but not least, mystery meat (alligator as it turned out) and parfait. There was also bacon and sausage, but they were gone way too fast for photos.

We spread blankets on the grass and had a picnic with lots of people in our backyard. Everyone was well fed – especially my dog who snarfed a good amount of waffle when people weren’t looking.

In conclusion, I recommend throwing a fucking awesome brunch birthday party for the brunch companion in your life, and not looking for suggestions for it on Pinterest because you’ll feel like a non-glamorous ass otherwise.

Tryst – Arlington, MA

Posted on September 15, 2014 by Sarah

Tryst

Tryst is a fancy-ass restaurant in Arlington that Talls and I had avoided partly out of concern for the price and partly because on the weekend we’re jeans and t-shirt people and this doesn’t strike me as a jeans and t-shirt place. But one weekend our friend Jenn was over, and we wanted to take her to a new brunch place but not, like, have to fucking drive or something crazy. So Tryst it was. Everyone who worked there was lovely, there were no comments on our attire, and the food was great. Also, it was Restaurant Week still (I swear it lasts for a month in the Boston area. This is not a complaint.) so it was cheaper than it would have otherwise been. Bitchin’!

Every morning should start with a fancy duck taco.

Every morning should start with a fancy-ass duck taco.

There were two courses, because fucking-a Restaurant Week menu, and I went for the starter that said “duck.” Like “maple,” “french toast,” and “bacon,” “duck” is one of my go-to menu words.

Talls was crunchy granola as he tends to be.

Jenn went for a peanuty thing.

For the main course we stuck with our buzzwords, but they were all fancy and delicious so it worked out well.

Me: french toast!

Talls: huevos rancheros!

Jenn: eggs n’ meat!

Jenn and I agreed the coffee was delish, and Talls loved the juice. The atmosphere was nice, and as we were there earlier it wasn’t packed. If you want a fancy place to eat tasty food that won’t bitch you out for sipping your coffee with a pinkie out, this is your place.

Sunset Cantina – Allston, MA

Posted on September 11, 2014 by Sarah

Sunset Cantina

We mistakenly had brunch here one Saturday, expecting to eat lunch but finding there was still and hour before their brunch ended. Judging from the menus alone it looks like their Sunday brunch is more of a thing (I mean, they don’t even have a Saturday brunch menu on the menu linked above), so perhaps I will cover that some time as well.

As I was expecting lunch I went with a savory meal of thick Texas toast smothered in egg, bacon, and cheese. Talls had a breakfast burrito.

So big I only ate half.

He, of course, finished his.

It was good… but. This is the feeling I am always left with after eating at Sunset. It’s not bad, but it’s not fabulous. They have a great beer selection and actually a decent range of ciders, and I feel like they slack a little on their food because most people eating there have had a pint or two and can’t fully taste anything.

Anyway, not a place I’d rave about, but it’s decent and will fill you up. I will have to go back for the Sunday Brunch to see if it’s more awesome.

The Painted Burro – Davis Square, Somerville, MA

Posted on August 18, 2014 by Sarah

The Painted Burro

I would just like to say, for the record, that this place is fucking amazing and if you do not immediately stop whatever stupid thing you’re doing right now and get your ass into one of their seats so you can get their food in your mouth, you are a useless fool. Jesus Christ on a cheese-coated unicycle they have god damn candied bacon here people! Go eat there now and read this review later. Seriously. I’ll wait.

Let's get in the mood with some fabulous art.

Let’s get in the mood for food with some fabulous art.

It’s a nice place with a great set up, and as long as the weather is nice their gigantic wall of windows is open to street. That’s right: amazing grub AND ambiance. Seriously, why aren’t you eating here RIGHT NOW!?!?

French toast: egg-dipped brioche, caramelized plantains, mascarpone whipped, maple syrup

This pile of food was fucking delicious, and not just because I am addicted to real maple syrup and will always say yes to fried plantains. The french toast under all of that was thick, fluffy, and a little crisp on the outside. Perfection!

EL MONTANERO “SUPERBEASTO”:
2 fried eggs, chorizo con papas, pork charro beans, chicharron, fried plantain, burro rice, chipotle mayo, baja cream, crispy tortilla

Talls order this pile of deliciousness and, because he is tall and has extra stomach space in his legs like all tall people (look, it’s the only logical explanation of this), HE FINISHED THE ENTIRE THING. I manage to steal like a bite and even that was dangerous. This is a well named dish.

THICK CUT BROWN SUGAR BACON

I am totally just copying directly off the menu for the descriptions because even their capitalization is apt. Eating this was seriously like eating candied meat, and it was one of the most amazing gustatory experiences of my life. I’ve never really understood wanting to eat yourself sick on something until I tasted this. The Painter Burro saved me by not putting anymore bacon on that plate. Fuck, every bite almost killed me with happiness!

To sum up: GO EAT HERE NAO!!!

The Painted Burro is perfect and you need to go eat there, stat. Look, I left a physical comment raving about this place at the restaurant, and they fucking sent me a personalized thank you email. GO THERE BITCHES.

Hell’s Kitchen – Minneapolis, MN

Posted on August 12, 2014 by Sarah

Hell’s Kitchen

This post is written by my partner Talls who was at a conference in Minnesota recently. Thanks to covering brunchiness even when I was not there to bitch about it!

Well, shit, I think this might be our kind of place.

Hell’s Kitchen, besides being a neighborhood in New York City, is also a fucking great restaurant in Minneapolis.

It’s downstairs in a mall or something, which, I don’t even care, because fuck malls and just give me the food. Luckily you can enter from the outside.

The menu has all kinds of wonderful-sounding food. Thing like cornmeal pancakes, and a ham-and-pear sandwich, and Bison Benedict, and plantains, and lots of other stuff.

Also, huge bonus: this place believes in maple syrup. Really, truly fucking believes. You get pancakes? They come with real syrup. There is Maple-Glazed Bison Sausage. Their porridge (see below) has maple syrup in it. Yes. Win.

Sparkle Motion, bitches!

Enough of the seizure sign. What did I actually fucking order?

Yeah, so, I almost forgot to take a picture.

Luckily I only got a few bites in before I was like “Shit, I require photographic documentation as evidence of this fine-ass cuisine.”

At the top: real orange juice. Delicious.

At right: Mahnomin Porridge. It’s like if some extra-sophisticated motherfucker had looked at oatmeal and said, “Hold on, guys. We can seriously class this shit up.” Wild rice instead of oats, with dried blueberries and cranberries, hazelnuts, maple syrup, and cream. Delicious. Apparently they used to have to give this shit away, which I totally wish they were still doing.

Main course: Lemon-ricotta pancakes with fresh berries and maple syrup. These are among the best pancakes I have ever had. They’re up there with Gould’s Sugar Shack, and those made people ask if I was going to cry. Fucking awesome.

It wasn’t as cheap as Al’s Breakfast, but it was just as good if not better, and it wasn’t ridiculously expensive or anything. And I didn’t wait for an hour and 15 minutes, but that’s probably because it was ass-early on a Thursday.

In summation: you should go here and eat all their tasty food. If you have the bison stuff you should tell me how it was because I totally fucking wish I had room in my stomach for that, but it was too fucking full of other delicious stuff.

Starlight Llama B and B – Northampton, MA

Posted on July 7, 2014 by Sarah

Starlight Llama Solar Bed and Breakfast

This is not a review of a brunch restaurant, but it does include brunch and a variety of animals I don’t usually include in these dispatches from the tasty food front. I will sum up the non-brunch part of this great little place by saying: the owners are great, the location is well-placed for Northampton access and other Pioneer Valley stuff if you have access to a car – which, honestly, you kind of need for the valley in general – the rooms are nice and the stars are a hell of a lot easier to gaze at than they are in Boston.

This being a bed unt breakfast, these lovely people cook as well as provide you with a place to lay your head. They are very food allergy conscious and can easily accommodate vegans as all their breks are vegetarian to begin with.

We began this meal with yogurt, fresh fruit, and granola.

Everybody gets water, OJ, and whatever hot drink you’re feeling goes with your particularly crunchiness. I of course went for coffee and Talls tried to steal my orange juice as well as drink his because it is his lifeblood.

There was a choice of muffins, I swear! My bran was sweet and delicious.

Yeah, this is another post where I was too dazzled by the food to remember to take pictures first. Look, I write a damn blog about brunch. If I wasn’t in it for the food what the fuck would I be doing here?

Scrambled omelets with cheddar and asparagus. Fuck yes!

The eggs were for all, and we all – Talls and I and two other couples who were friends and lovely people – dug in and stuffed our faces. Good eggs straight off the pan are some of the greatest things in life.

Vegan sausage. Not my fave, but pretty good.

Hmm, I promised animals didn’t I? Well, prior to the food there was the dancing pug event, and then during one of the farm’s peacocks kept shaking his tail feathers for a peahen who was not picking up what he was putting down. The llamas, donkey, big black dog of prepubescent wiggles, chickens, guinea fowl, and emus were around but not involved in the food festivities.

Common Ground – Allston, MA

Posted on June 2, 2014 by Sarah

Common Ground

This post was a long time in the making. Long ago, I resided within walking distance of this pub/amazing land of Sunday brunch and would go way too often to revel in the amazing french toast. This was before this blog, of course, which came about as a joke between me and Talls that occurred after I moved away. Six plus months later we FINALLY got back to my old stomping grounds (Ha! Joke!) and the french toast was just as good as I remembered.

Look at this delicious motherfucker!

Caramel banana brioche french toast. This is the best fucking pile of food ever. This was the first french toast I’d ever had that didn’t need maple syrup – the amazing stuffed french toast at Veggie Galaxy was the second.

Eggs, yogurt and granola, turkey bacon, corn beef hash, and home fries.

We only go on Sundays because Super Talls likes the brunch buffet and I have it on his authority that the Saturday buffet is subpar. He does two full plates AND takes a muffin for the road, so clearly the Sunday buffet is excellent. It has everything freshly made/cut there, and I tend to steal eggs from the boy to round out my carb fest. These are also lovely.

It was a lovely day, there was no line at 11 when they open at 10, due to it being in a college student-heavy area. They sleep in late. You can always booze up with your brunch if you want here, and the coffee and orange juice are great as well. I’ve always enjoyed the waitstaff, who are at the very least competent and very often fun to talk to.

And for you crafters out there, it’s also a wonderful to do swear-oriented projects!

This post was rather clean because the cross stitch has absorbed all my swearing.

Trail’s End Cafe – Concord, MA

Posted on April 25, 2014 by Sarah

Trail’s End Cafe

Trail’s End is a newer, smaller place than Helen’s that’s way nicer than what was here before. Also, the nail place above the Rite Aid in the same complex is owned and operated by a lovely group of ladies.

Trail’s End is pretty, but their selection is small and their prices higher than I’d like. What they have, though, is goddamn fucking delicious.

This is French Toast Bread Pudding. I have now died from glee.

This is Apple-Cinnamon Baked French Toast, which is essentially a drier bread pudding. I have now died from glee.

If you have read any other posts here you know of my extreme french toast problem, and thus would be unsurprised I barely glanced at the menu before settling on this. And then, when it arrived, it got better. I looooooove bread pudding. Carbs and sugar bitches! And this? This was the delicious lovechild of french toast and bread pudding if bread-based food reproduced like cats and so apple pie managed to get some genes in there. EAT THIS NOW.

This quiche is so tasty it basically jumps into your face unaided.

The generally have a selection of quiche, but Talls went for bacon and mushroom. Can you tell he has a Ph.D.? What can I say, I like my men brilliant. This quiche was the right texture, right amount salty, and packed with bacon and mushrooms. They tried to balance it with fresh fruit, but of course he and I balanced it with my meal instead. So they absolutely nailed both the sweet and the savory.

In conclusion, the food was great but as it’s not in my immediate area, has a smaller food selection, and costs more than most brunch places I don’t think I’ll be back a ton. Definitely worth a stop if you’re passing through though!

Brunch the Fuck Up

pretentious yet edible

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