Tag Archives: how to brunch

Birthday Brunch!

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Talls turned older recently (if he will let me record his old man voice I will happily put it up here.  It’s my favorite fucking thing sometimes.) and while initially I had wanted to throw him an ice cream birthday party as that’s the food blog he would have, we ended up doing brunch instead.  Oh no.  Boo hoo.  It’s so shitty things worked out this way.

I made a pile of food and everyone else either brought food, maple syrup, and juice.  We were buried under a metric shit-ton of maple syrup and juice for weeks afterwards.  Our friends are the best!

I will post the other foods in a second, but let’s all first marvel at the piece de resistance:

It's a fucking pancake cake bitches. A cake. Made. Out of PANCAKES.

It’s a fucking pancake cake bitches. A cake. Made. Out of PANCAKES.

This was Talls’ birthday cake: layers of gigantic pancakes with homemade raspberry syrup and vanilla whipped cream that had goddamn flecks of vanilla bean in it.  It’s creatrix is a semi-professional baker, and she did not balk at this assignment when I asked her to make this thing.  She sat down and made this glorious pile of deliciousness, and then fed it to us.  It was as tall as a fucking regular layer cake you guys.  It arrived in a cake carrier.  I couldn’t even, and I still can’t.  This woman is the fucking best and the champion of the world.

And now for the regular food:

I made quiche and remembered to get a before pic!

I made quiche and remembered to get a before pic!

I made baked french toast and did not remember!

I made baked french toast and did not remember!  Also a waffle maker was brought and I made batter so we had fresh waffles.

There were piles of cheddar cheese scrambled eggs!

There were piles of cheddar cheese scrambled eggs!

And last but not least, mystery meat (alligator as it turned out) and parfait. There was also bacon and sausage, but they were gone way too fast for photos.

And last but not least, mystery meat (alligator as it turned out) and parfait. There was also bacon and sausage, but they were gone way too fast for photos.

We spread blankets on the grass and had a picnic with lots of people in our backyard.  Everyone was well fed – especially my dog who snarfed a good amount of waffle when people weren’t looking.

In conclusion, I recommend throwing a fucking awesome brunch birthday party for the brunch companion in your life, and not looking for suggestions for it on Pinterest because you’ll feel like a non-glamorous ass otherwise.

How to Brunch without Fucking Up

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A few easy tips and admonishments to improve your brunching experience:

  1. Know your area.  How can you know where the good restaurants are if you don’t?  Do some research to help expand your knowledge.  Places like The Internet can tell you a bajillion useful things, such as how awesome other people think your local diner is and that it closed three years ago.  Wandering around town and complaining about a lack of brunch places is not an acceptable substitute for this.
  2. Avoid the rush. One of the biggest complaints I’ve seen about brunch is that the wait is soooooo long because hipsters and their damn skinny jeans took my spot!  Dude, regardless of how tight the jeans on the forty people in front of you in line are, they are all there for the same reason: tasty food.  Do not go at peak brunch time (often a 11) and then bitch about other people wanting to eat.  Go back to the internet, see when the place opens, and next time go earlier or later.  Yelp posters will definitely tell you when no tables will be free just as surely as someone will give a great place one star because their water was only refilled fifty times.
  3. Know your allergies and dietary needs. Brunch is fab but very high in gluten, allergens, and meat.  Again, internet it and possibly call ahead if you have serious dining concerns to make sure your chosen restaurant can feed you safely as well as deliciously.
  4. Try new shit. I know my other points can be boiled down to “Seriously, look at the internet first,” but this one lies within each of us.  Loosen up.  Try a new place.  Try a new meal!  Be prepared to love it, hate it, or forever have a new embarrassing story to tell you friends. Go as slow as blueberry and banana pancakes or all the way to the french toast burger.  But seriously, try something new every so often.

And for the love of challah, stop complaining about things that you can easily fix with the supercomputer in your pocket.