Tag Archives: brunch it yourself

Birthday Brunch!

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Talls turned older recently (if he will let me record his old man voice I will happily put it up here.  It’s my favorite fucking thing sometimes.) and while initially I had wanted to throw him an ice cream birthday party as that’s the food blog he would have, we ended up doing brunch instead.  Oh no.  Boo hoo.  It’s so shitty things worked out this way.

I made a pile of food and everyone else either brought food, maple syrup, and juice.  We were buried under a metric shit-ton of maple syrup and juice for weeks afterwards.  Our friends are the best!

I will post the other foods in a second, but let’s all first marvel at the piece de resistance:

It's a fucking pancake cake bitches. A cake. Made. Out of PANCAKES.

It’s a fucking pancake cake bitches. A cake. Made. Out of PANCAKES.

This was Talls’ birthday cake: layers of gigantic pancakes with homemade raspberry syrup and vanilla whipped cream that had goddamn flecks of vanilla bean in it.  It’s creatrix is a semi-professional baker, and she did not balk at this assignment when I asked her to make this thing.  She sat down and made this glorious pile of deliciousness, and then fed it to us.  It was as tall as a fucking regular layer cake you guys.  It arrived in a cake carrier.  I couldn’t even, and I still can’t.  This woman is the fucking best and the champion of the world.

And now for the regular food:

I made quiche and remembered to get a before pic!

I made quiche and remembered to get a before pic!

I made baked french toast and did not remember!

I made baked french toast and did not remember!  Also a waffle maker was brought and I made batter so we had fresh waffles.

There were piles of cheddar cheese scrambled eggs!

There were piles of cheddar cheese scrambled eggs!

And last but not least, mystery meat (alligator as it turned out) and parfait. There was also bacon and sausage, but they were gone way too fast for photos.

And last but not least, mystery meat (alligator as it turned out) and parfait. There was also bacon and sausage, but they were gone way too fast for photos.

We spread blankets on the grass and had a picnic with lots of people in our backyard.  Everyone was well fed – especially my dog who snarfed a good amount of waffle when people weren’t looking.

In conclusion, I recommend throwing a fucking awesome brunch birthday party for the brunch companion in your life, and not looking for suggestions for it on Pinterest because you’ll feel like a non-glamorous ass otherwise.

Brunch it Yourself – Coconut French Toast

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Most of us can make a solid basic brunch at home: fry an egg, cook some bacon, burn some toast and voila!  Many have also mastered the art of pancakes without Bisquick, crepes, waffles, and french toast.  Are you one of the wonderful people who bakes your own muffins, folds omelettes perfectly, or makes cinnamon buns from scratch?  Brunch is a pretty accessible meal, and I am here to make it even moreso.  I adore going out for a fabulous brunch so much I made a damn blog about it, but I am a baker at heart and also enjoy bringing it home.

Do you want fancy, delicious french toast in your own kitchen?  Awesome!  It’s totally within your grasp.

Ingredients:

  • bread, preferably something “plain” like white, wheat, or multigrain
  • eggs
  • milk, cream, or your dairy substitute of choice
  • dried coconut flakes
USE ALL THE COCONUT.

USE ALL THE COCONUT.

Tools:

  • shallow bowl
  • plate
  • whisk or fork
  • spatula
  • griddle or frying pan

 

I use four eggs to make six pieces of coconut french toast

I use four eggs to make six pieces of coconut french toast

  1. Set pan or griddle on stove and turn the burner on to medium to medium low heat.  If your pan/griddle is non-stick, don’t worry about greasing it.  If it isn’t, wait until a little water sprinkled on it sizzles and then grease with butter or veggie oil depending on your dairy tolerance.
  2. While your griddle/pan is heating, crack eggs into your bowl and whisk together with milk/cream/dairy substitute.  Place a slice of bread in bowl for soaking.
  3. Pour a thick layer of coconut flakes on to plate.
  4. Flip bread and soak other side.
  5. When bread is fully soaked with egg mixture, place it on the plate and “bread” it with coconut flakes.  Do the same to the other side.
  6. When the bread is fully coconut flaked, put it on the hot griddle/pan.
  7. Flip bread when the egg is fully cooked and then coconut is singed.  This will take longer than standard french toast.  Repeat for the other side.
  8. Repeat steps 2 through 8 for each slice.  Enjoy delicious coconut french toast!
  9. For added deliciousness, eat with pineapple.  The best is fresh pineapple seared on a grill, but you can also throw fresh or canned on to your griddle/pan when you’re done with your toast for tastiness as well.
On the griddle like regular french toast, just "breaded" with coconut first.

On the griddle like regular french toast, just “breaded” with coconut first.

 

photo 1 photo 2

Serve with maple syrup and enjoy!

Serve with maple syrup and enjoy!

Brunch it Yourself – Buttermilk

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The key to good, fluffy-as-fuck pancakes is buttermilk.  Buttermilk is, at it’s heart curdled milk.  It’s super easy to make and there’s basically no reason to pony up for the pre-ruined stuff.  Here are a few simple but fab tips for making your own buttermilk AND non-dairy buttermilk:

  • You can sour your milk with basically anything acidic, but I prefer lemon or lime juice.  It goes fast and doesn’t give your pancakes a sour taste.  The most common alternative to this is vinegar.
  • Ratios for lemon or lime juice: 3/4 cup milk, 2 tablespoons juice.
  • Ratios for vinegar: 1 cup milk, 1 tablespoon vinegar.
  • Fat content in the milk does not matter.  I use 1% because I want skim and my partner wants full fat, but do whatever youse feel.
  • You can sour soy milk with the same ratios listed above!  The pancakes will be slightly less fluffy, but still wonderful.  I am more than happy to have this when a non-dairy friend comes by.

Take these notes and go out and make amazing, fucking fluffy pancakes.  You can never go wrong with these at a bitchin’ American brunch!

 

Brunch it Yourself – Crepes

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When I want to feel I’m eating a fancy brunch, I make crepes.  They’re super easy, very versatile, and since they aren’t something most Americans have grown up eating they seem more lavish than other breakfasty brunch foods.  Note: if you are feeding English people this will not work, as crepes are their standard pancakes.  Which means they have crepe stands in major cities where you can just walk up and get a fresh, delicious crepe for lunch or something.  Dicks.  Why the fuck did that not come over on the Mayflower?

Ingredients: (this amount feeds two adults)

  • 1 cup flour
  • 2 eggs
  • 1/2 cup water
  • 1/2 cup milk/dairy substitute
  • 2 tablespoons butter/oil
  • 1/4 teaspoon salt
Ingredients!

Ingredients!

Tools:

  • mixing bowl
  • whisk
  • 1/4 cup measure
  • low edged pan (ideally small)
The perfect crepe pan.

The perfect crepe pan.

  1. Whisk flour and eggs together.  They will clump.  This is fine.
  2. Slowly add water and milk to eggs and flour.  There will be much less clumping, but still a few lumps here and there.  This is not considered perfect for a crepe, but I like the texture so I keep them in.
  3. Melt butter.  Mix salt into butter.  Pour butter and salt into the rest of the batter and stir.
  4. Set the stove to medium and wait to put batter in until a little water flicked in sizzles on the pan.  I never have to grease my pan due to the butter content in the crepes themselves, but if you want to do so sparingly.
  5. Use the 1/4 cup measure to pour batter into the pan.  Then pick up the pan and slowly move it so that the thin batter coats the entire bottom surface. Replace pan on stove.
  6. When the edges of the crepe curl up, flip it.  The second side will take roughly a minute or two to cook.
  7. Place finished crepe on a plate and repeat steps 5 and 6 til you use up your batter.  You can stack finished crepes right off the stove as they won’t stick together.
A finished pile of crepes.

A finished pile of crepes.

Now comes the fun part: what will you put inside them?  My giant sweet tooth means I always have at least one jam and nutella as an option.  Anything that goes on toast well goes in a crepe.  Fresh fruit and nuts also work well.  If you want to go savory get some shredded cheese, meat, veggies, or cooked eggs.  Cheddar, apples, ham, and a fried egg is one of my favorites.

Nutella, Strawberry Jam, Crystalized Honey, and cooked down grapefruit were the options today.

Nutella, Strawberry Jam, Crystalized Honey, and cooked down grapefruit were the options today.

Fill, roll, enjoy!

Le Om Nom Nom!

Le Om Nom Nom!