The Sweet Peach Diner – Belmont, MA

Posted on September 29, 2014 by Sarah

This is a place I drive past every single morning on my way to work, and every time I ask myself: why the fuck am I not stopping and shoveling food into my mouth instead continuing on into the office? Luckily the traffic around there in the morning is a bitch so there’s no easy way to park and lose my job to deliciousness. I finally got there recently when Talls and I wanted to go to a new brunch place but not drive too far.

This place has excellent food, and as I said up there, fuck all for parking. There’s a tiny amount on the street, and a parking lot got the local nature reserve not too far away. If you come at a classic brunch time like 10 on a Sunday, this place is packed. We did this and ended up eating at the counter because there were no tables available, and still had a great meal. Wonderful servers, a nice set up, and great food can’t be beat.

The Sweet Peach Stuffed French Toast. It is as fantastic as it looks.

Me? Eat French toast? I know, so fucking shocking. This pile of deliciousness was jam packed with peaches, fresh whipped cream, and all around tastiness. It also came with real maple syrup, because this place knows where the hell it is: New Fucking England.

There was also bacon. A lady needs protein.

The Tallsasaurus went for something hashy, as is his wont, although this time in Eggs benedict form. It was on cornbread instead of biscuits, and was fabulous. There’s also a pulled pork benedict on their menu that I will have to try sometime.

The hash benedict. Also crazy good.

Final verdict? Get your ass over to Belmont, find some way to park, and go eat at this diner whenever you can. They know what the fuck they’re doing brunchwise, and they do it well.

Sunset Cantina – Allston, MA

Posted on September 11, 2014 by Sarah

Sunset Cantina

We mistakenly had brunch here one Saturday, expecting to eat lunch but finding there was still and hour before their brunch ended. Judging from the menus alone it looks like their Sunday brunch is more of a thing (I mean, they don’t even have a Saturday brunch menu on the menu linked above), so perhaps I will cover that some time as well.

As I was expecting lunch I went with a savory meal of thick Texas toast smothered in egg, bacon, and cheese. Talls had a breakfast burrito.

So big I only ate half.

He, of course, finished his.

It was good… but. This is the feeling I am always left with after eating at Sunset. It’s not bad, but it’s not fabulous. They have a great beer selection and actually a decent range of ciders, and I feel like they slack a little on their food because most people eating there have had a pint or two and can’t fully taste anything.

Anyway, not a place I’d rave about, but it’s decent and will fill you up. I will have to go back for the Sunday Brunch to see if it’s more awesome.

The Painted Burro – Davis Square, Somerville, MA

Posted on August 18, 2014 by Sarah

The Painted Burro

I would just like to say, for the record, that this place is fucking amazing and if you do not immediately stop whatever stupid thing you’re doing right now and get your ass into one of their seats so you can get their food in your mouth, you are a useless fool. Jesus Christ on a cheese-coated unicycle they have god damn candied bacon here people! Go eat there now and read this review later. Seriously. I’ll wait.

Let's get in the mood with some fabulous art.

Let’s get in the mood for food with some fabulous art.

It’s a nice place with a great set up, and as long as the weather is nice their gigantic wall of windows is open to street. That’s right: amazing grub AND ambiance. Seriously, why aren’t you eating here RIGHT NOW!?!?

French toast: egg-dipped brioche, caramelized plantains, mascarpone whipped, maple syrup

This pile of food was fucking delicious, and not just because I am addicted to real maple syrup and will always say yes to fried plantains. The french toast under all of that was thick, fluffy, and a little crisp on the outside. Perfection!

EL MONTANERO “SUPERBEASTO”:
2 fried eggs, chorizo con papas, pork charro beans, chicharron, fried plantain, burro rice, chipotle mayo, baja cream, crispy tortilla

Talls order this pile of deliciousness and, because he is tall and has extra stomach space in his legs like all tall people (look, it’s the only logical explanation of this), HE FINISHED THE ENTIRE THING. I manage to steal like a bite and even that was dangerous. This is a well named dish.

THICK CUT BROWN SUGAR BACON

I am totally just copying directly off the menu for the descriptions because even their capitalization is apt. Eating this was seriously like eating candied meat, and it was one of the most amazing gustatory experiences of my life. I’ve never really understood wanting to eat yourself sick on something until I tasted this. The Painter Burro saved me by not putting anymore bacon on that plate. Fuck, every bite almost killed me with happiness!

To sum up: GO EAT HERE NAO!!!

The Painted Burro is perfect and you need to go eat there, stat. Look, I left a physical comment raving about this place at the restaurant, and they fucking sent me a personalized thank you email. GO THERE BITCHES.

Trident Booksellers and Cafe – Boston, MA

Posted on June 9, 2014 by Sarah

Trident Booksellers and Cafe

I know what you’re thinking: this going to be a shitty little bookstore with a three wobbly tables and four books and it will be the worst experience of your life because no one can do books and food well and you’re going to track down my address and burn terrible cookbooks at me so I can understand you emotional fuck-uped-ness after having to read this horrific review.

BUT YOU’D BE WRONG, BITCH.

Trident is so fucking incredible it has raised both the cafe and the book selling sections of its business to an art form. They have a pretty interesting selection considering that they’re on the small side of bookstores, and I will always love them for having a copy of Voodoo Histories the one time I was in a bookstore and actually had a book I was desperately trying to track down.

But come on, this is not a book blog. This is a brunch blog. On to the brunchings!

Trident has breakfast all day, so Talls and I were technically having dinner when these photos were taken. Whatthefuckever, it was all fucking delicious. I had the Monte Cristo, which is a ham, cheese, and fruit compote sandwich on two slices of french toast instead of regular bread. In a word: mind-blowing.

And in the words of this blog: mind-fucking.

Yes, that is real maple syrup on the side for dipping. Perfection!

Talls had a special that I can’t remember the name of, but was basically a cross of their frittata and Eggs Benedict on a crepe. Even after I was stuffed with my own food my poor guy was fending off my attempts to steal all of his.

I don’t remember the name of this, but I do remember it was delicious and I wanted to steal the whole thing.

To sum up: get your ass to Trident. They are definitely busy at standard meal times, so there will be a wait that may cause you to buy books you didn’t plan on getting if you come then. If you show up at 7pm on a Wednesday like we did it will be about 3/4 full and you may even score a booth seat.

Also all their juices are fresh squeezed and amazing, so do yourself a huge fucking favor and have one of their hippy-ster juice blend things no matter how weird they sound. Their tea selection is also excellent. They’re also open 8am to midnight every day, so it is an excellent place to scratch your brunch itch even at the strangest times.

Helen’s Restaurant – Concord, MA

Posted on April 18, 2014 by Sarah

Helen’s Restaurant – no website, goes to Yelp! page.

I grew up in Concord, and still remember when this place was Brigham’s. Alas, there is but one Brigham’s left – the original in Arlington, MA. Helen’s replaced Brigham’s a while back, and makes some very tasty food. I also can’t speak highly enough about their raspberry lime rickies, the very first carbonated beverage I actually liked.

Okay, enough fucking nostalgia. On to the brunch!

The food was so good I forgot to take pictures before I started eating.

I was out with Talls and a friend, and if one of them hadn’t reminded me I wouldn’t have even snapped these photos. The blueberry pancakes were lovely, as was my requisite real maple syrup. I also enjoyed my bacon, which was thicker than other places and still wonderfully crunchy.

The home fries were gigantic and wonderful.

The plates were huge and so were the portions. The coffee is very much diner coffee, which I more than enjoyed. Talls, the non-coffee citrus connoisseur, reported that the orange juice was delicious.

Seriously forgot to snap pictures.

Key things to note:

This place gets busy fast when the local churches let out, so basically after 11 it’s a mad house on Sundays. If you’re willing to wait you’ll be well taken care of – the waitresses are all pros who know how to make a packed house run smooth.
Many families with small children means it can get loud and kid-like. I’ve never had a problem with this, but if kids around at all isn’t your thing this place may not work for you.
This place is CASH ONLY. There are plenty of ATMs walkably nearby in town.

If you’re in the area to Walden Pond or North Bridge it and it’s brunch time, hit this place up for some great down home dinner food.

The Ball Square Cafe – Somerville, MA

Posted on January 31, 2014 by Sarah

Ball Square Cafe

Holy fuck there are lines at this place. There are so often lines there were fucking heaters in the awning above our line. The coffee is self serve even when you sit down partially to let line-standers drink coffee while they wait. If you hate lines this is not the brunch for you. On the plus side: this place has heaters and coffee for you when you stand in line, so as waiting outside for a table at a brunch place goes, it’s pretty damn comfortable. My little party of three waited for about 20 minutes for a table at 10:45am on a Sunday. We were attempting to arrive early to skip the wait when we did this, and were clearly utter fools. Ah well. Ball Square Cafe is small, but they apparently own a deli next door that was being used only for overflow seating when we went.

Seriously though, coffee in line!

I didn’t mind the line too much with my purple marshmallow coat, coffee, and lovely people to chat with. The wait also gave us time to decide what we were all going to have before we sat down, so we got our food pretty quickly. Our waitress was awesome and memorized my order when I told it to my friends so they could order for me while I ran to get a coffee refill.

I, as I am sure you are shocked to hear, went for the french toast. A pear and goat cheese french toast, to be exact. They have many delicious-sounding options, but I’ve never heard of a stuffing quite like this. The slices were ginormous and I only finished two of them. I completed the delicious meal with real maple syrup and bacon.

Those white lumps are Cool Whip. 😦 Not my store-bought whipped cream of choice.

My friends had the Eggs Benedict with Hash and the Caramelized Banana with Walnuts Belgian Waffle, which I sampled and were both lovely. Their eyes were a better size in comparison to their stomachs, so they were able to finish their meals. I, on the other hand, got to take my last slice home in an adorable container and relive this glorious experience as part of lunch on Monday.

So many noms, you guys.

I recommend this place unless you can’t deal with lines without whining constantly/breaking into hives/flipping the fuck out. They have a picture of one of their lines as a header on their website. A line is going to happen here. But for those who are willing to chat standing up for a bit, it will be well worth it.

I Have Maple-Flavored Feelings

Posted on October 18, 2013 by Sarah

There are a million things that can go wrong in the world, and many of them occur at brunch. Long lines, small tables, and non-perfect food. No one eats breakfast/lunch food out if it’s not going to be perfect, guys. We can all make pancakes and sandwiches, can’t we? If we wanted non-perfect food, we’d stay home. We go out to brunch for the awesome. For the amazing. For the they-really-put-all-those-things-in-one-thing? turning out to be the BEST FOODSTUFF EVER. Or maybe we just go out for really good eggs in the company of hipsters and kitsch.

Regardless, as a New Englander I feel strongly that the worst brunch faux pass is not having real maple syrup.

High fructose corn syrup with “maple flavoring” is NOT maple syrup people. For some, it is a travesty because corn subsidies and it makes you fat or whatever else. This is not my point. Mine is that maple syrup is the nectar of the breakfast gods and I refuse to eat your dry-ass pancakes without some liquid nirvana making them palatable. Real syrup upgrades BACON. I come to brunch for many things, but first among them is the boiled-down blood of the sugar maple. If I am not one step away from being a tree vampire, it is not brunch time. That makes it lunch time, because at least with a grilled cheese sandwich I do not feel inherently betrayed by the lack of syrup. I am also not a fan of paying extra for real syrup, but as long as it’s not five bucks I’ll do it because I know the good stuff costs.

Also: Grade B is the best grade and we other New England states have let Vermonters pull the maple wool over our eyes for too long. And they know their syrup. They want fake syrup passed off as the real thing to be a prosecutable offense.

Brunch the Fuck Up

pretentious yet edible

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