Rosebud – Davis Square, Somerville, MA

Posted on September 7, 2015 by Sarah

If you’ve ever been here before, you know that I fucking love to the point of marrying despite not really seeing the point of marriage as state institution because isn’t there better and just as cheap ways to get all those protections? The Painted Burro. They do the best damn Mexican brunch I’ve ever had, and if we can’t think of a place to go and are the same timezone as Davis Square I will suggest going there. I bring this up because the same guy who owns PB owns Rosebud, an adorable diner right next door. When I heard this I knew I had to try their brunch, if only in an effort to have two restaurants I would want to drive several hours for, should I somehow be kidnapped and wake up in the political wasteland of New Hampshire.

I found instead a decent brunch place. Which is fine, but after the Burro I was expecting “fuck yeah!”s and “holy shits!” all over the place. There was only one plate served to us that was that exact thing, so I’m going to completely ignore the okay french toast and acceptable omelet that Talls and I had and just devote this post to the one shining, unfuckingbelievable glory of this meal:

HUSHPUPPIES SENT FROM LOUISVILLE.

Did you hear the angels playing horns out of their asses to the glory of these hush puppies? If you didn’t I guess you’re a boring food-hating dickwad or something. Or maybe you haven’t seen a lot of illuminated manuscripts. One of those.

To begin, aside from the bacon and scallion amazingness that just cranks these fuckers up to eleven, these are just well made hushpuppies. What are hushpuppies, you say? One of the fine fried fruits of the South, my friend! It’s a ball of fried cornmeal batter. When well done they are crisp on the outside, warm and a little crumbly on the inside, and have never been polluted by the racist horror that is that bitch Paula Deen. These hushpuppies are well done. AND THEN they also have diced bacon and scallions inside that manage to add just the right amount of flavor without taking over from the down home corn taste. AND THEN they give a fucking pineapple-chili glaze to dip them in so that your tastebuds explode with delight and you are ruined for deliciousness for the rest of your life.

I can’t, you guys. I can’t even. Look how little I’ve sworn in this entry! Do you know why that is? It’s because I’m dazzled by the goddamn memory of these little nuggets of perfection. Ugh. I don’t give a fuck if you grew up with hushpuppies or you’ve never had them in your life: get your ass to Rosebud and eat as many of these things as you can. Get a drink. Take a pie home, since they get good pie reviews and honestly any place that does hushpups well likely bakes a fine-ass pie. The rest of the menu isn’t bad, but these balls of deliciousness are too amazing to waste your time eating anything else.

The Asgard – Cambridge, MA

Posted on August 18, 2015 by Sarah

The Asgard Irish Pub and Restaurant

We’re back, bitches! Which I know I’ve said before, so blah blah blah, fuck me I’m an asshole, blah. Look, do you want mea culpas or do you want raving about tasty food? Neither, you want pictures of my meals! Ha! Goddamn it, when did I become that person? Probably a few months before I bought this fucking domain name.

The Asgard is an Irish, not Norse pub, but I’m sure Tom and Chris would still be welcome here if they showed up in their Avengers attire. It’s in Central Square and close enough to Toscanini’s that if you eat a late brunch you can saunter across a street or two and have the best fucking ice cream ever afterwards.

…fuck, why didn’t we do that?

Anyway, it was a cold and rainy day in April that for some reason showed up at the end of June when we ate here, and I was so fucking happy to have a warm mug in my hands that I forgave them their only okay coffee. And then they served my meal, and I didn’t give a shit about that at ALL anymore.

Sing with me: Amazing waffle gets rid of everything awful!

This fucking thing showed up and my day was MADE. The waffle was crispy and chewy in all the right places, the chicken was juicy and delicious, and the spicy maple syrup was real and just the right level of heat. I was in comfort food heaven and hummed to myself throughout the entire damn meal.

A traditional Irish breakfast at the Viking Irish Pubthing.

Talls, being Talls, went for his favorite land of a million puddings meal, the Irish breakfast. They may not have named their restaurant correctly, but they did a Celtic brunch standard proud. He ate the entire thing and declared it, as we say in Boston, wicked pissah.

To sum up: shitty coffee but fucking awesome food. Better to brunch here and get your coffee affogato over at Toscanini’s, I think.

My Other Kitchen – Belmont, MA

Posted on October 6, 2014 by Sarah

My Other Kitchen – does not appear to have a website so the link goes to Yelp

This is the second place I drive past every day on my way to work, but it was small enough and busy enough I’ve again managed to never stop by. Come the weekend I packed Talls into the car and drove like a bat out of hell to try and get one of the few tables – which are all outdoors, by the way. The tables were already all taken because the weather was fucking gorgeous. Fall mornings in New England are the best. We went in and ordered anyway, as there is an inside bar as a last resort. Talls waited for the food while I stalked diners outside, and my creepieness paid off! We ended up with a table in the shade near an adorable English ex-pat family and fucking delicious food.

The special was caramelized pear french toast. Guess who ate this?

The coffee was delightful and unending, while the orange juice was delicious and doled out in small, expensive amounts. I’m honestly surprised this isn’t the case more often with fresh squeezed, but there you are. The french toast was just as rediculously fucking tasty as it looks in that picture.

Talls had a cast iron breakfast, complete with actual cast iron pan.

There was chorizo, scrambled eggs, hash browns, cheddar cheese, and one home made cornbread muffin in this pile of noms. I think the white stuff is yogurt, but I’m entirely sure. Regardless, all of this was consumed and I was able to steal very little for myself.

This is a tiny place that has little indoor seating, so lines happen here with ease. As long as the weather holds it’ll be a bitching place to eat, and when that falls apart it will become an amazing place to eat out from. The only thing it’s missing is an indoor dining area, but with the winters Massachusetts gets that’s a pretty big thing.

The Sweet Peach Diner – Belmont, MA

Posted on September 29, 2014 by Sarah

The Sweet Peach Diner

This is a place I drive past every single morning on my way to work, and every time I ask myself: why the fuck am I not stopping and shoveling food into my mouth instead continuing on into the office? Luckily the traffic around there in the morning is a bitch so there’s no easy way to park and lose my job to deliciousness. I finally got there recently when Talls and I wanted to go to a new brunch place but not drive too far.

This place has excellent food, and as I said up there, fuck all for parking. There’s a tiny amount on the street, and a parking lot got the local nature reserve not too far away. If you come at a classic brunch time like 10 on a Sunday, this place is packed. We did this and ended up eating at the counter because there were no tables available, and still had a great meal. Wonderful servers, a nice set up, and great food can’t be beat.

The Sweet Peach Stuffed French Toast. It is as fantastic as it looks.

Me? Eat French toast? I know, so fucking shocking. This pile of deliciousness was jam packed with peaches, fresh whipped cream, and all around tastiness. It also came with real maple syrup, because this place knows where the hell it is: New Fucking England.

There was also bacon. A lady needs protein.

The Tallsasaurus went for something hashy, as is his wont, although this time in Eggs benedict form. It was on cornbread instead of biscuits, and was fabulous. There’s also a pulled pork benedict on their menu that I will have to try sometime.

The hash benedict. Also crazy good.

Final verdict? Get your ass over to Belmont, find some way to park, and go eat at this diner whenever you can. They know what the fuck they’re doing brunchwise, and they do it well.

Tryst – Arlington, MA

Posted on September 15, 2014 by Sarah

Tryst

Tryst is a fancy-ass restaurant in Arlington that Talls and I had avoided partly out of concern for the price and partly because on the weekend we’re jeans and t-shirt people and this doesn’t strike me as a jeans and t-shirt place. But one weekend our friend Jenn was over, and we wanted to take her to a new brunch place but not, like, have to fucking drive or something crazy. So Tryst it was. Everyone who worked there was lovely, there were no comments on our attire, and the food was great. Also, it was Restaurant Week still (I swear it lasts for a month in the Boston area. This is not a complaint.) so it was cheaper than it would have otherwise been. Bitchin’!

Every morning should start with a fancy duck taco.

Every morning should start with a fancy-ass duck taco.

There were two courses, because fucking-a Restaurant Week menu, and I went for the starter that said “duck.” Like “maple,” “french toast,” and “bacon,” “duck” is one of my go-to menu words.

Talls was crunchy granola as he tends to be.

Jenn went for a peanuty thing.

For the main course we stuck with our buzzwords, but they were all fancy and delicious so it worked out well.

Me: french toast!

Talls: huevos rancheros!

Jenn: eggs n’ meat!

Jenn and I agreed the coffee was delish, and Talls loved the juice. The atmosphere was nice, and as we were there earlier it wasn’t packed. If you want a fancy place to eat tasty food that won’t bitch you out for sipping your coffee with a pinkie out, this is your place.

Sunset Cantina – Allston, MA

Posted on September 11, 2014 by Sarah

Sunset Cantina

We mistakenly had brunch here one Saturday, expecting to eat lunch but finding there was still and hour before their brunch ended. Judging from the menus alone it looks like their Sunday brunch is more of a thing (I mean, they don’t even have a Saturday brunch menu on the menu linked above), so perhaps I will cover that some time as well.

As I was expecting lunch I went with a savory meal of thick Texas toast smothered in egg, bacon, and cheese. Talls had a breakfast burrito.

So big I only ate half.

He, of course, finished his.

It was good… but. This is the feeling I am always left with after eating at Sunset. It’s not bad, but it’s not fabulous. They have a great beer selection and actually a decent range of ciders, and I feel like they slack a little on their food because most people eating there have had a pint or two and can’t fully taste anything.

Anyway, not a place I’d rave about, but it’s decent and will fill you up. I will have to go back for the Sunday Brunch to see if it’s more awesome.

Five Horses Tavern – Davis Square, Somerville, MA

Posted on August 25, 2014 by Sarah

Five Horses Tavern

I think basically the only reason I’m going to be somewhat meh on Five Horses in this review is that I ate here in the wrong order. One of our friends had recommended brunch both here and at the Painted Burro, stating that they were both good but that the Burro kind of blew this place out of the water. Like fools Talls and I went to the Burro first, and after that amazing food-based love affair were kind of spoiled for other Davis Square brunches that were trying to be in a similar league. If I’d done Five Horses first I feel like I would’ve liked them more because I wouldn’t have been having flash backs to fucking candied bacon. Let’s be honest: no one can compete with that.

kfc-style chicken breast, bacon marmalade, fried egg, cheddar, frisée. cornichons, creole mustard on toasted waffles with fruit salad

I got the breakfast club, which was a club-style sandwich thing made out of breakfast foods. I ended up having to take some of the layers apart to eat it without making a giant mess, but it was delicious all the same. The do some very fine fried chicken at this place.

black beans, eggs, potatoes, carrots, scallions, jalapenos, red peppers, served in a fried tortilla with salsa, guacamole and goat cheese sour cream

Talls got the Chimichanga which was much less blurry in real life. My phone camera skills have been lost! It was full of tasty things as advertised.

So yeah, the food was good, there was a tiny line when it opened (Like six people for a huge place. I am usually a line stickler and there was a woman in front of us who was all “I believe we got here first!” and I rolled my eyes at her back because seriously, there are plenty of seats and every damn one of us is going to be served at the same time. This is a time when lines do not matter.), and services was nice a quick. But it was not the Painter Burro, and this made me sad.

The Painted Burro – Davis Square, Somerville, MA

Posted on August 18, 2014 by Sarah

The Painted Burro

I would just like to say, for the record, that this place is fucking amazing and if you do not immediately stop whatever stupid thing you’re doing right now and get your ass into one of their seats so you can get their food in your mouth, you are a useless fool. Jesus Christ on a cheese-coated unicycle they have god damn candied bacon here people! Go eat there now and read this review later. Seriously. I’ll wait.

Let's get in the mood with some fabulous art.

Let’s get in the mood for food with some fabulous art.

It’s a nice place with a great set up, and as long as the weather is nice their gigantic wall of windows is open to street. That’s right: amazing grub AND ambiance. Seriously, why aren’t you eating here RIGHT NOW!?!?

French toast: egg-dipped brioche, caramelized plantains, mascarpone whipped, maple syrup

This pile of food was fucking delicious, and not just because I am addicted to real maple syrup and will always say yes to fried plantains. The french toast under all of that was thick, fluffy, and a little crisp on the outside. Perfection!

EL MONTANERO “SUPERBEASTO”:
2 fried eggs, chorizo con papas, pork charro beans, chicharron, fried plantain, burro rice, chipotle mayo, baja cream, crispy tortilla

Talls order this pile of deliciousness and, because he is tall and has extra stomach space in his legs like all tall people (look, it’s the only logical explanation of this), HE FINISHED THE ENTIRE THING. I manage to steal like a bite and even that was dangerous. This is a well named dish.

THICK CUT BROWN SUGAR BACON

I am totally just copying directly off the menu for the descriptions because even their capitalization is apt. Eating this was seriously like eating candied meat, and it was one of the most amazing gustatory experiences of my life. I’ve never really understood wanting to eat yourself sick on something until I tasted this. The Painter Burro saved me by not putting anymore bacon on that plate. Fuck, every bite almost killed me with happiness!

To sum up: GO EAT HERE NAO!!!

The Painted Burro is perfect and you need to go eat there, stat. Look, I left a physical comment raving about this place at the restaurant, and they fucking sent me a personalized thank you email. GO THERE BITCHES.

Hell’s Kitchen – Minneapolis, MN

Posted on August 12, 2014 by Sarah

Hell’s Kitchen

This post is written by my partner Talls who was at a conference in Minnesota recently. Thanks to covering brunchiness even when I was not there to bitch about it!

Well, shit, I think this might be our kind of place.

Hell’s Kitchen, besides being a neighborhood in New York City, is also a fucking great restaurant in Minneapolis.

It’s downstairs in a mall or something, which, I don’t even care, because fuck malls and just give me the food. Luckily you can enter from the outside.

The menu has all kinds of wonderful-sounding food. Thing like cornmeal pancakes, and a ham-and-pear sandwich, and Bison Benedict, and plantains, and lots of other stuff.

Also, huge bonus: this place believes in maple syrup. Really, truly fucking believes. You get pancakes? They come with real syrup. There is Maple-Glazed Bison Sausage. Their porridge (see below) has maple syrup in it. Yes. Win.

Sparkle Motion, bitches!

Enough of the seizure sign. What did I actually fucking order?

Yeah, so, I almost forgot to take a picture.

Luckily I only got a few bites in before I was like “Shit, I require photographic documentation as evidence of this fine-ass cuisine.”

At the top: real orange juice. Delicious.

At right: Mahnomin Porridge. It’s like if some extra-sophisticated motherfucker had looked at oatmeal and said, “Hold on, guys. We can seriously class this shit up.” Wild rice instead of oats, with dried blueberries and cranberries, hazelnuts, maple syrup, and cream. Delicious. Apparently they used to have to give this shit away, which I totally wish they were still doing.

Main course: Lemon-ricotta pancakes with fresh berries and maple syrup. These are among the best pancakes I have ever had. They’re up there with Gould’s Sugar Shack, and those made people ask if I was going to cry. Fucking awesome.

It wasn’t as cheap as Al’s Breakfast, but it was just as good if not better, and it wasn’t ridiculously expensive or anything. And I didn’t wait for an hour and 15 minutes, but that’s probably because it was ass-early on a Thursday.

In summation: you should go here and eat all their tasty food. If you have the bison stuff you should tell me how it was because I totally fucking wish I had room in my stomach for that, but it was too fucking full of other delicious stuff.

Al’s Breakfast – Minneapolis, MN

Posted on August 4, 2014 by Sarah

Al’s Breakfast – No website, link goes to Yelp page

This post is written by my partner Talls who was at a conference in Minnesota recently. Thanks to covering brunchiness even when I was not there to bitch about it!

How small is Al’s Breakfast?

It’s so small that the entire restaurant is 10 feet wide.

It’s so small that there are only 14 seats.

How small is it? Check out the picture from Google Maps:

It’s real fuckin’ small.

You ain’t kiddin’, pal.

I got there and there was a line with about 20 people outside the building, and maybe another 20 inside. (Yes, they fucking crammed a line into a restaurant that’s 10 feet wide.) That doesn’t sound so bad?

Remember: 14 seats.

It was just over an hour before I got to sit down. Either don’t go on a sunday, or bring a fucking book.

The place, as they say, has character.

Also dinosaur toys for kids.

For kids, I said.

Enough with the fucking decor, how’s the food?

Corned Beef Hash, pancakes, and juice.

On the down side, they think that stuff in the front is corned beef hash. It is not. It is hash browns that someone waved some fucking corned beef over. Some day I shall write a fucking tirade about how people cannot fucking figure out corned beef hash, but not today.

On the up side, those pancakes? Fucking delicious. Blackberry pancakes with a big pat of butter and maple syrup (which you have to buy, but is cheap). They did those fuckers right. It’s a good thing I got the water because I would have burned my tongue off with the delicious blackberries otherwise. The OJ is not fresh-squeezed, but is miles better than canned.

The omelets also looked amazing. I don’t have a picture because I didn’t want to be the creepy fuck who was like CAN I PHOTOGRAPH YOUR BREAKFAST FOR MY GIRLFRIEND’S EXPLETIVE-FILLED BRUNCH BLOG? but they looked great.

Oh, and in case you can’t read my bill upside-down, the whole thing came out to about $13. Fuck yeah.

So, short version: If you are in Minneapolis in the morning: go to Al’s Breakfast. Not on a weekend. Get pancakes. The end.

Brunch the Fuck Up

pretentious yet edible

Category Archives: review