The Painted Burro

I would just like to say, for the record, that this place is fucking amazing and if you do not immediately stop whatever stupid thing you’re doing right now and get your ass into one of their seats so you can get their food in your mouth, you are a useless fool.  Jesus Christ on a cheese-coated unicycle they have god damn candied bacon here people!  Go eat there now and read this review later.  Seriously.  I’ll wait.

Let’s get in the mood for food with some fabulous art.

It’s a nice place with a great set up, and as long as the weather is nice their gigantic wall of windows is open to street.  That’s right: amazing grub AND ambiance.  Seriously, why aren’t you eating here RIGHT NOW!?!?

French toast: egg-dipped brioche, caramelized plantains, mascarpone whipped, maple syrup

This pile of food was fucking delicious, and not just because I am addicted to real maple syrup and will always say yes to fried plantains.  The french toast under all of that was thick, fluffy, and a little crisp on the outside.  Perfection!

EL MONTANERO “SUPERBEASTO”:
2 fried eggs, chorizo con papas, pork charro beans, chicharron, fried plantain, burro rice, chipotle mayo, baja cream, crispy tortilla

Talls order this pile of deliciousness and, because he is tall and has extra stomach space in his legs like all tall people (look, it’s the only logical explanation of this), HE FINISHED THE ENTIRE THING. I manage to steal like a bite and even that was dangerous.  This is a well named dish.

THICK CUT BROWN SUGAR BACON

I am totally just copying directly off the menu for the descriptions because even their capitalization is apt.  Eating this was seriously like eating candied meat, and it was one of the most amazing gustatory experiences of my life.  I’ve never really understood wanting to eat yourself sick on something until I tasted this.  The Painter Burro saved me by not putting anymore bacon on that plate. Fuck, every bite almost killed me with happiness!

To sum up: GO EAT HERE NAO!!!

The Painted Burro is perfect and you need to go eat there, stat.  Look, I left a physical comment raving about this place at the restaurant, and they fucking sent me a personalized thank you email.  GO THERE BITCHES.